How can I amuse you?

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A Friend In Need

A friend is nothing but a known enemy. (Pic Credits:

They all watched silently, as I lay down here. Soiled, wrecked and reeking of gasoline. They looked at me scornfully while the man took out the matchbox from his pocket. It shouldn't be happening. Am I dreaming? Maybe I am having a nightmare, the worst of its kind. That's what I hope. Suddenly, I heard a raspy click and saw the brightly lit flame wavering dolefully from the matchstick. I could see that man's face more clearly now, shimmering in its the burning flaxen glow. Those cold dead eyes. These ain't those loving and caring people I know. Something's definitely wrong and I'm pretty sure about it. But it's too late. I saw the the burning matchstick approaching towards me and the next moment, I was up in flames. But something's strange. I wasn't feeling any pain. Perhaps I was too shocked to react. Or perhaps, I was already dead. I lay engulfed in flames as my existence vanished one moment at a time. I looked around to find my friends. They weren't there anymore. They had already left me stranded in my misery. The world around me was going black. Fading away into nothingness. I remembered those good old times I had with everyone. And waited. Waited patiently for the anguish to end...

Not long back, I was leading a very luxurious and happy life. I was treated royally by everyone. The respect and power I had garnered over the years, would even put a king to shame. I had many friends. Countless in fact. If it boiled down to that, my friends could kill anyone who tried to harm me. And if need be, they would lay down their lives to protect me. Such was the strong bond of friendship between my and my people. Everyone loved me. Everyone wanted to be with me. No one wanted to share me. I was the apple of their eyes. At least I was, till today. I had friends scattered in all places. From corporate businessmen to hard-working farmers. From daily wage laborers to salaried professionals. Students, teachers, lawyers, politicians, doctors, artists, the rich, the bourgeois, the poor, the young, the old and the kids. Everyone desired me. And I made it a point to help everyone who needed me. As they say, a friend in need is a friend indeed!

Everything was going well and good until yesterday. Since yesterday, everyone started behaving unusually. I wasn't sure what was happening. I overheard them talking about me. About how I've contracted the deadly black plague and wasn't going to survive anymore. I ignored those filthy rumors people were spreading about me and hoped that eventually everything would be alright. Like it does, every time. But it was different this time. I sensed this sudden indifference around me. People had started hating me. Everyone gradually started detaching themselves from me and I was beginning to feel isolated and lonely. I couldn't understand why they were doing this. Human behavior has always puzzled me. I saw my master's face on television. He was addressing everyone. He talked about my black plague and about how my days are numbered. It was the final nail in the coffin. My master had said it. Those rumours were indeed true. I wasn't going to survive. My heart sank to unfathomable depths of destitution, as the bitter truth slapped me right across my face. I kept watching my master's face with teary eyes. He spoke about my depreciating health and advised everyone to quarantine me for their own good. They were replacing me with someone new. I couldn't take it anymore. I felt an air of dejection and abandonment around me. Soon I was surrounded by people and they started seizing me. The same people who would have sacrificed their lives for me a few days back, were now cursing and mocking me. Oh dear god, what wicked game are you playing? All those tales I had heard about the goodness of human beings. Was everything just a lie? Is this real face of humanity? 

They bought me at the town square, in front of everyone. I saw their faces, filled with contempt and indifference. Maybe I was getting executed publicly. They all watched me with amazement, craving for their dose of entertainment in my tragedy. Everyone standing there in the crowd had called me their friend once. But now they were all standing there silently, no protest, no outcry. Everyone was a mute spectator. There was a time when I was the primary source of happiness and well being for everyone standing there. Times when I was the only one bailing them out of their troubles. But they've forgotten everything. Every fucking thing. I was there for them during their hardships and struggle, through thick and thin. And now when it's time for them return the favour, these callous pricks are shying away from it.

My father was right when he had told me that human beings are the worst of all species. Don't get too attached to people, he had said. They'll respect you, admire you and love you to their fullest extent but only until you're of some use to them. The day they find you useless and worthless for their needs, they'll ostracize you and cast you out like a pariah. They'll spit on you with the same mouth with which they had once showered praises on you. Times change but people change faster. I was a fool not to heed my father's advice. I saw these hypocrites dousing me in gasoline. I was dazed at whatever was happening. The stoic and apathetic atmosphere was brutally suffocating me to death. The man lit the matchstick and set me ablaze. It was the end. Perhaps they'll find someone new to replace me. Someone better than me. And then one day when even the new guy ceases to be useful and beneficial to them, they'd prosecute him too. Just like they did to me. I saw the crowd dispersing. Yes. Go on you unfaithful bastards. Go away from me. I don't need your sympathy, you selfish and greedy little shits. I am better off without your humbug presence around me. I loathed each and every one of those disgusting and ungrateful cowards. I closed my eyes and went off to an eternal sleep. I'll finally meet my father now. And I'll tell him, that he was god damn right about humans. He was right all along...

Nobody loves you, when you're down and out...

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Why I Won't Die For My Nation

No one could've put it better than the man who wrote our national anthem. (Pic credits:

Just the other day, I was having a conversation with my friend about how we contribute nothing towards our country, compared to our soldiers. And how we don't even show empathy towards the people who do it. He was sort of right. I've always wondered what I've done for my country. And the answer remains the same, every time. Nothing. I've done nothing worthwhile for my nation.

But in an era of globalization, nationalism is a very vague term. In fact, I'll go a step ahead and put it more bluntly. Nationalism subtly induces hatred in our minds regarding people whom we've never met and interacted with. Before you jump to conclusions, calling me an anti-national, I'd like to tell you that I do love my country from the bottom of my heart. But keeping prejudices and personal biases aside, I'd like to express some ideas on this amorphous concept of nationalism.

Don't make the mistake of confusing patriotism with nationalism. There's a very fine line between patriotism and nationalism. Patriotism is a very broad notion. Real patriotism is not only about taking pride in the achievements of the country but also about being able to criticize your nation when needed. Whereas, nationalism is a narrow concept. A true nationalist will always take pride in his nation and defend it, to their grave. Always. Even when the actions of his country are questionable on humanitarian levels. In much simpler terms, let's consider Hitler. He's a classic example of a true nationalist. He was so blinded by his love for Germany that even genocide and mass murders were justifiable in his perspective.

Nationalism generally makes us sardonic towards people of different race. Immigrants as we call them. People often whine about how immigrants take away their jobs. Frankly speaking, if a guy who can't even speak your language comes and takes away your job; then sorry to say this my friend but you're a loser of humongous magnitude! There's no other plausible explanation. Hating other people and countries isn't patriotism. It's about loving your nation.

Recently, there's also this collective outrage against Pakistani artists. I feel one should never mix art and politics. It's an insult to humanity. I'm not saying we shouldn't respond at all. The vile and cowardly act of killing 18 of our soldiers shouldn't go unpunished. Although, bringing a pen to a sword fight is downright absurd, no matter how ingenious it may seem. I accept that violence is never the answer. But when it all boils down to defending your dignity, the best course of action is tit for tat. Reviewing the Indus Waters Treaty will be a major blow to them. Desperate times often call for desperate measures.

Now, coming to the question of why I won't die for my nation. It's because I don't consider myself worthy enough for this noble gesture. In order to die for your nation you need to selflessly love your nation. Just like a mother loves her child. And I don't think I can love my nation or anyone in general, to such an extent! Frankly, I'm not capable of it. All those who're seeking the definition of true love, ask a soldier. He'll tell what true love means. I'm a very cynical person. Cynics and skeptics never make great patriots. Unless you're someone of the caliber of Rabindranath Tagore.

To be honest, I find it very difficult to digest the fact that there is a guy who's laying down his precious life to protect some ignorant prick, who's comfortably lying on his couch, watching television, stuffing nachos in his belly and who doesn't even give a damn about it; who doesn't even care. Seems pretty unfair to me.

If you look at it from a broader perspective, real wars are never fought on the battlefield. Real wars are fought in a closed boardroom full of political chaps, wealthy economists and armchair thinkers. Who discuss the strategy over a round table conference and seal the fate of these soldiers over a cup of coffee. And for them, sometimes, losing a war on the battlefield is just a small step towards victory in the boardroom. Whereas, soldiers are an epitome of bravery, nobility and dignity. They aren't ordinary beings. For them, all that matters is the well being of their nation. Their love for their motherland is unparalleled. For them, the fear of losing on the battlefield is much greater than the fear of death itself! It's almost impossible to imbibe all these qualities within you. I don't think I possess even a single one of them.
That's the reason my friends, I won't die for my nation. However, I can try my best to live for it!

As the great Bhagat Singh once said, "Lovers, lunatics and poets are made of same stuff."
It also happens to be this legend's birthday today. The one who taught us that the sword of revolution is sharpened on the whetting stone of ideas. Also that bullets do not have the power to kill an idea! I'd like to write on the notion of revolution, but maybe some other day.

I've always been a hopeless romantic fool, who believes in the delusion of perpetual peace. But the world doesn't seem to agree with this delusion.

From John Lennon to John Kennedy. The world has always hated people who talk sense.

Pink Floyd's Roger Waters had written the folowing lines in the song 'Us And Them'
Unfortunately, he himself had lost his father in a war, when he was just a five month old baby...

"Forward!", he cried from the rear,
And the front rank died.
And the General sat,
And the lines on the map,
moved from side to side..."
 Till then, adios!
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The Irony Of War And Peace

Peace. Such a wonderful word. Webster's dictionary defines peace as, "a state in which there is no war or fighting"
Humanity has been striving for eternal peace since eons! And yes, the struggle is real indeed. A few days back, a harrowing video surfaced on the internet. It was about this 5 year old little Syrian kid, Omran Daqneesh, who was rescued from the rubble, after an airstrike at Aleppo. This horrific video sent shivers down my spine and every time I look at that boy's shocked and innocent face, I struggle to fight that lump in my throat.

The pathetic state of humanity right now.

But does it even matter to us? Nope. It doesn't. Because we don't live in Syria. A few more months and everyone will soon forget about Omran. Just like we forgot Alan Kurdi. Yes, the iconic kid in the picture, whose corpse was swept ashore. I won't go about preaching how this is all fucking insane and how we should do something about it. Ranting won't change shit. It never did.

We all imagine a world where everyone is equal and happy. Hoping of a peaceful world where someday, we'll all live as one. John Lennon's utopian paradise that everyone dreams of. But such a world doesn't exist. And perhaps, it never will. You might wonder what makes me think so pessimistically?

It's simple. I don't believe in equality. It was Thomas Jefferson, right? Who coined the phrase, "all men are created equal"
With due respect sire, I think it's total horseshit. Equality is a myth. At least George Orwell would agree with me. In his allegorical novel, 'Animal Farm' Orwell had written, "All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others" 

In my opinion, eternal peace will never exist. Because no one, I repeat, NO ONE fights for peace. Everyone fights for power and authority. I think the entire world history comprises of just two components. The oppressed and the oppressor. The minority and the majority. In simple words, the slaves and the rulers. The oppressed are constantly battling to overthrow the oppressor. Whereas, the rulers do their best to make sure everything stays in their control. Sometimes, the minority succeed in dethroning and replacing the dominance and sometimes, it's the other way round. It's an unending vicious cycle. And this persistent struggle for power, slaughters the process of peace. Everyone is constantly at war, fighting for ultimate supremacy. And the current situation in Syria is just a result of western imperialism. You might have studied in your 10th grade history class about how Japan who was once a victim of colonization, became a colonizer after their successful revolt.

We're constantly at war to give a damn about peace. We need war to maintain peace, how ironic is that! Every nation wants to be at the peak of the economic mountain. It's primal human nature to always strive to be at the top. Be it the food chain or any other crap. And in this process we can go to any fucking lengths. The truth is, we're a gluttonous breed of power hungry folks.

That's basically the crux of the whole situation. We're sorry Lennon, the world will never live peacefully as one because no one fucking wants to. Everyone wants to make their kingdom the best, even at the cost of sabotaging the lives of the rest. Everyone wants shit under their control. Freedom, justice, liberty, equality are mere words. Words used to insinuate and justify our revolution. Our rebellion and constant struggle for power. Maybe Adolf Hitler was right in saying that mankind has grown strong in eternal struggles and will only perish through eternal peace. Darwin's theory of evolution, survival of the fittest. And yes, democracy is just a subtle term for hegemony!

 As, George Orwell had phrased in his classic,'1984',
"War is peace.
Freedom is slavery.
Ignorance is strength."

This also reminds me of the hauntingly beautiful song, 'Mother' by Pink Floyd, which goes like-

"Mother, do you think they'll drop the bomb?
Mother, do you think they'll like this song?
Mother, do you think they'll try to break my balls?
Ooh, aah, mother, should I build the wall?"

I'll leave you here with this, till then, Adios.

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The Last Interview

[The following article is a work of fiction made from the fragments of author's weird and demented imagination. It does not bear any resemblance to reality. If so, it's purely accidental. Thank you!]

I was sitting in the waiting room. There were four individuals besides me, waiting for their turn. I glanced over to see their faces. It reeked of nervousness, I could tell that easily. Adjusting their neck ties and regularly wiping off their faces with the handkerchief. I very well remember being in that position. A few months back, I guess. I had lost count after 47. The lady behind the counter called my name. This is it. I stood up and went inside.

A man greeted me with a smug smile on his face. A smile that could even put Mona Lisa in a fix. I went ahead and greeted him.
"Good morning, Sir!"
"Oh good morning Mr. Harry! Please take a seat!"

I pulled the chair and sat on it. All that expensive cushioning and still it didn't feel comfortable. I made sure my posture was decent, straightening my slouchy back. As they say, first impression is the last impression.
On the other side of the table, there were many empty chairs. I guess, some folks hadn't arrived yet.

"So, how are you, Harry?", the man asked curtly. The formality of that question made me nauseous.
"I'm fine, Sir!", I replied.

I looked into his dark eyes, trying to gauge his mood. Nothing.

"So, can I have a look at your résumé?", the man entreated in a formidable manner.
"Yes sir, I have it with me. Here.", saying so I handed a piece of paper to him. A sheet on which my entire existence was documented, in the form of some numbers and alphabets.

He took it eagerly and then started to analyze it. Just then, the door stood open and I saw few people entering inside. "That explains the empty chairs.", I thought to myself.
But I was astounded when I saw the faces of the people who had just entered. It was my parents along with some distant relatives whose names I just couldn't recall. That lady who lived in our neighborhood and was friends with Mom, was also there. "What were they doing here?", I thought to myself.
They paced in hurriedly and took their seats on the other side of the table. I was too astonished at the vagueness of the situation, I just couldn't react.

They all sat down in their respective chairs and didn't utter a single word. I tried to smile at them but they averted my eyes.

"So, you don't have an outstanding academic background it seems here, looking at your résumé. Well, you had a great score in your 10th grade examinations. But that doesn't reflect in your 12th grade scores. A meager 56%? May I ask why?", the man finished and broke the eerie silence of the room.

I thought for a moment and replied, "Well sire, I didn't study much during my 12th grade. I was distracted and I guess I had to pay the price."

The man didn't look amused at all from my reply. They all started murmuring and discussing something among themselves, I couldn't hear a word though.

Just then one of the distant relatives spoke, "Are you ashamed of such a low score?", he asked me scornfully.
I was confounded at that question. I thought about it for a while and then earnestly replied.
"No. I'm not ashamed. I'm regretful for not studying. But ashamed? I don't think so. I learned a lot from that mistake I made"

The man who asked the question smiled mockingly and then started talking in whispers with the interviewer, who was in charge of this whole thing.

Suddenly, their mindless chatter was broken by the neighborhood lady.
"Okay. Moving on, you also have many backlogs in your graduate course? I get that you didn't study during your 12th grade due to some distractions, but it seems you didn't learn from your mistakes at all. How can you explain this now?", she ended her question with a triumphant laugh.

I sat there speechless. I had no idea what the heck was going on. To be frank, I wasn't prepared for this. I somehow gathered my thoughts and replied
"You see Maa'm that I hadn't studied during my 12th grade due to some distractions. But I still had those distractions, in my graduate course. I was fighting them, of course. Trying to get rid of them, but it's an unending struggle. When your distractions turn into your desires, it's very difficult to get rid of them. I suppose my behavioral  facetiousness also played a part in this.", I replied disdainfully.

They again started mumbling among themselves. I was starting to get a headache now. Just then my Dad spoke,
"We've always supported you son, no matter what. But you don't seem to respect our love and care. You always took things lightly and never paid any heed to what I said. I always asked you to take your life seriously. But now look at you. You can't even get a job. If only had you listened to me. You still have a chance son. But you need to listen now..", he ended his speech remorsefully.

I was absolutely perturbed and dejected by it. I morosely looked at my mother, who was about to break in tears now.

She looked into my eyes and started speaking. "I always thought you'd grow up to be a very successful person and settle down happily in your life. You'd have a house of your own and you'd make me proud someday. But it doesn't look like that anymore. You've failed son. Because of your own actions. I always warned you about your whimsical dreams and passions, but you never listened. That's your problem. You never listen to us. Mrs Paul was right, you keep committing mistakes again and again. They've got you son. You no longer belong here. You've lost your way...", saying so, she started weeping. My father started comforting her.

The words pierced my heart like bullets. There was a wretched pain in my guts now. I didn't understand what exactly was going on. I felt I was about to vomit and my splitting headache was at its peak now.

Just then the man in charge spoke to me.
"You don't understand the grave consequences of your flippant attitude, do you? Look boy, it's cut-throat competition out there. You understand the word cut-throat?, he asked. I nodded ruefully.
"Okay. Now listen to me. If you want to survive here, you need to run. Run as fast as you can, cause boy you're lagging behind. Behind is a subtle word, you're almost out of the race lad! You've disappeared. Stop with your fancy whims and desires. You won't get anything out of it. Just start running for fuck's sake! You're breaking away from the pack. And soon, you'd be lost into nothingness! Screaming for help, but no one will give a damn about you. Since, you don't belong to the pack!", he screamed.

I couldn't take it anymore now. I sat there motionless. Their words hung in air, slowly slaughtering me from within.
They were discussing among themselves now. I noticed that my parents had left while the guy was still speaking to me. No wonder, I had disappointed them once again. I was now left alone with a bunch of strangers who almost loathed my existence to their core. Just looking at their judgmental faces slyly laughing at me, depressed the hell out of me and made my blood curdle. I wanted to get out of the room and get some fresh air.

Then the man announced,
"Look, we had a thorough discussion about it and we've decided that we won't offer you this job. You don't seem capable enough. You have defiant tendencies and your nonchalant behavior is a major problem. Also, your academic scores show you lack merit. You have nothing to offer to our company and it will be a burden to hire you. So, we're sorry. You may leave now." saying so, he smiled derisively and started chattering with his folks again.

My head was now about to explode itself. I felt I wanted to puke badly now. I was all drained up. I felt nothing now. I got up, smiled at the man in a brazen manner and left the room. The lady behind the counter gave me a pitiful look. I looked at her, the way a warrior looks at his general, after they've lost an important battle. And then I made my way out of the building.

Outside the sun was obscured by clouds, giving the weather a pale and gloomy feel. Suddenly my stomach belched and I puked while grabbing my throbbing headache. I was severely exhausted now. I looked around, people were eyeing me with curiosity but no one gave a damn. They conspicuously stopped for a moment and went on with their lives. Everyone was busy running. No one had the privilege of leisure. I stood up now. Gathered myself and then decided to run. But then, the unusual thought stuck me. I didn't know the direction in which I had to run. How can I run when I don't even know where I'm supposed to go? I looked around once again, everyone was still running in random directions. I asked an old man who was jogging at snail's pace.

"Where are you going, Uncle?"
He gazed at me rather compassionately and said "I don't know son. I have been running like this since past 70 years. I still don't have a clue!", he smiled and started jogging again.

I stood looking at him. He suddenly collapsed to the ground after jogging a few miles. A crowd gathered around him for a moment, sympathetically looking at him and then within few minutes, the whole crowd dispersed again. The old man was nowhere to be seen. He had disappeared. No memory of him. Like he never existed in the first place. Everything around me now seemed nebulous.

I remembered the words of the man who had urged me to run. I looked at my wristwatch but it had already stopped working. And then suddenly, I started running. My body ached like hell and tears started streaming down my face, but still I ran. I kept running. My whole life passed me by like I was traveling in some kind of wormhole. But I didn't stop. I ran till my legs went numb.

Just then I spotted a bright light at the end of the tunnel. I couldn't feel my legs now. I had grown old and weariness had taken over my body. There was a mirror beside the source of light. I looked in it for my reflection but it wasn't there. I somehow struggled to reach the light. And then, I finally made it. I stopped and jumped right into the bright white light with surprising avidity and my whole existence evaporated in thin air. I saw the fading faces of all those random people, looking sympathetically at me. The interviewer, the distant relatives whose names I still couldn't recall, that old neighborhood lady, Mrs Paul I guess, the old man whom I had met on the road. My parents and friends were weeping miserably. I felt sad about it. I smiled at them and then their contorted faces disappeared. I was now free to pursue all my desires, passions, dreams and ambitions. I was embraced by immortality. No one would judge me now. I was out of the race and I was eternally happy, at last!

(Pic Credits:

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Learn To Laugh

(Pic Credits:

“Dude, that’s offensive! How can you laugh at it?”

“How can you be so racist/sexist/misogynist/sadist/ *insert any insult* ?”


It’s 2016 and these sanctimonious morons still lose their shit over a joke. Ridiculous, isn’t it?

Miss those good old days when jokes were just jokes and nothing else. You could just laugh your ass of at anything under the sun and no one would judge you. But today, everything’s different. Every joke nowadays is like a dildo. Some people pleasure themselves with it while others just wrap a barbed wire around it and shove them up their narrow minded ass.

These indignant cunts are the worst of all beings. Their lives are already pathetic as they’ve forgotten how to laugh at jokes and now they think it’s cool to ruin jokes by taking offense. They’re the main reason why the world is such a sad place.

Just because some self-righteous folks sitting there, tell you it’s unfunny, you start outraging blindly like a brainless herd of cattle. You’re human beings. You have a mind of your own. Don’t let them manipulate your mindset in a biased manner. Please think for yourself. It’s okay to have an opinion of your own rather than listening to what they preach you. And yes, just LEARN TO FUCKING LAUGH!

In my opinion, a joke is never offensive, it’s your orthodox undeveloped mindset that makes it offensive. If you don’t find certain jokes funny, IGNORE them. Don’t be a judgemental dickhead preaching morality here on the internet. Who're you to decide what is funny and what isn't? It's like, burning the television set when you don't like a show, rather than just changing the channel.

Read Champak.

Love it how some people ask comedians to “draw a line”, about topics on which they can crack jokes. That’s the most absurd thing I’ve heard. Freedom of speech just came under Bhai's car and died.

“He needs to draw a line!”

“He has crossed the line!”

Stop being obsessed with imaginary lines. For fuck’s sake, it’s comedy. Not geometry! Please develop a sense of humour, fuckers.

Life is too short to feel offended by jokes. Laugh and let others laugh. Appreciate the fact that at least there are people who’re trying to crack you up, in a world filled with sadness and misery.

LEARN TO LAUGH. Stop being a blot on evolution and humanity.

Anyway, this month's catalog.

Pele: Birth Of A Legend (This one's based on the man who revolutionized the way football is played! Amazing!)

Just Breathe - Pearl Jam. (The brilliance of Eddie Vedder! Beautiful!)

Desperation - Stephen King. (This is Stephen King at his best! A gripping tale about the horrors that lie in an isolated town called 'Desperation' Don't miss this one, if you're a fan of horror fiction!)

Well, that's it. Feel free to express your criticisms, suggestions, abuses and everything in general in the comments section below. Please share if you enjoyed reading it. Thank you again, for reading! I had originally published the initial draft of this article on Medium. It's the newest amazing place I've discovered.
Check it out.

Till then, Adios!
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How To Save Your Planet

[Disclaimer: Below article is to be taken with a pinch of salt and if possible, with a pinch of cyanide. All views expressed here are personal. The author suffers from mild dementia and this article won't be held responsible for any damage to your IQ. Readers are advised to proceed at their own risk.]

What's up folks! Been ages since I last puked out crap here. Was busy disposing off dead bodies of people who were sending me Game Of Thrones spoilers. Now, that show is now really starting to get on my nerves. I'm just waiting for that episode where they'll finally introduce Hitler's character and he'll just put an end to this pandemonium, once and for all. I'd also love to see Frank and Claire Underwood fighting for that throne! Just imagine the sordid politics that would follow!

Moving on, there has been a recent uproar in the world, regarding climate change and global warming. Too much talk about saving our planet for a better future. Maybe Leo's Oscar acceptance speech has hit the right spot.

Climate change is a fascinating topic to speak upon. A slight misinterpretation of your opinions and you'll be labelled a 'pollution-spreading-life-contaminating' piece of shit, in no time. Anyway, I too believe that climate change is real. Well, at least the facts say so. Many people deny it. Even Donald Trump denies it. And if Trump is denying it, it's the fucking truth! No questions asked.

But frankly, I can't understand the logic behind environmentalists preaching us shit like "Save mother earth"
Oh, the arrogance! Damn. We haven't even learned to care for our fellow human beings yet but we want to save our planet. Okay. We live in times where people will be busy clicking pictures of an accident victim, rather than taking him to a hospital and saving his life.
"Hashtag road accident. Hashtag bleeding. Hashtag crying for help. Hashtag death. Hashtag LOL!"

But still, we've the audacity to preach bullshit about saving mother earth, on the internet! Hats off!

Firstly, you can't save mother earth. The reason behind this is that mother earth doesn't need to be fucking saved! It's us humans who need to be saved. Yes. That's right. Let me get this straight. We humans are a breed of selfish and greedy beings who only care about our own welfare. We wouldn't have given a damn had we lived on Mars and Earth were dying a slow death. We're concerned about this planet only because we live on this planet and we know we've got nowhere else to fuck off to. And that, if something bad were to happen to it, we would be the ones eventually suffering. Yes. Global warming and climate change have got us by the balls, and we're too ignorant to realize it.

Now you'll be wondering who's responsible for this climate change? Of course, it's us again! If we're to live happily or even exist in future, we have to do something to save this planet.

The only guy who can save this planet.

The next question that pops up is, "How the heck do I save this planet?"
It's pretty simple actually. If you look up on the internet, you'll find tons of articles on how to save the planet. The same old, 'plant trees, save water, save electricity, avoid using fossil fuels, go vegetarian, jerk off to solar energy and stuff.

Jokes apart, those are some pretty useful and effective methods to put into practice. But the best solution is...
Wait for it...


Yes. Just fucking kill yourself. How long till we realize that the planet's fine and that we're the ones who're screwed up badly. We're the ones who fucked up and dismantled this beautiful planet to its core. Just think about it. Our planet has been here since aeons. It has survived countless asteroids hammering it left, right and center! It has even survived meteor strikes, nuclear attacks, volcano eruptions, massive earthquakes, magnetic pole change and shit. And then we humans came along and managed to fuck it up like never before. We're the worst virus to have infected this planet with our pile of garbage. Even HIV would feel embarrassed about its existence and cry itself to death. Just look at ourselves. How insignificant we are, when compared to this vast universe. And yet, we've the arrogance and audacity to think that we can save this planet! The planet doesn't need your help, you morons. When the time comes, it'll just wipe us insignificant little shits, right off its face, just like Domex wipes off and obliterates those pesky commode germs.
If you look at the facts and figures, on an average nearly 200 species go extinct every year. And someday, we will too.

Terrorism, poverty, sustainability, geopolitical & economic conflicts between nations, nuclear proliferation, global population explosion, unemployment, corruption, Middle Eastern political warfare, global warming. Phew! The list is unending and morbidly awful. Man made disasters are always ghastly than natural disasters. Always. The situation today looks gravely squalid and miserable. Just look at the crap that's happening  in the world right now. ISIS slaughtering humanity, every fucking day.

Even Hitler watching all this would be like, "I want to start a fucking genocide to destroy these brainless human waste of flesh, blood and bones roaming down there. But fuck it, I ain't got the balls to go back to that shithole!"

How the heck can we save the planet when we can't even save ourselves! We're too busy fighting among ourselves, to care for the welfare of mother earth.

"My god is better than yours"
"My religion beats the ass of your religion"
"My opinions are superior to your opinions"

A giant bag of plastic might not end up suffocating mankind to death, but a giant bag of hatred and bigotry will surely do the trick.
Save humanity first, planet earth can wait.

I'd like to conclude this one by quoting Ozzy Osbourne,

Your higher power maybe God or Jesus Christ,
It doesn't really matter much to me.
Without each other's help there ain't no hope for us.
I'm living in a dream of fantasy...

Anyway, this month's catalog!

The Man Who Knew Infinity (Ramanujan is what happened when God wanted to be a mathematician! Absolute masterpiece of a movie. Did justice to the legendary genius of Srinivasa Ramanujan. Don't miss it for the world!)

Don't Look Back In Anger - Oasis. (An amazing song by Oasis! Probably their best. A live version so beautiful, you just end up crying buckets. Noel Gallagher is awesomeness!)

 The Importance Of Being Earnest - Oscar Wilde. (A light hearted classic masterpiece by Wilde! When it comes to subtle and witty epigrams, Oscar Wilde never disappoints.)

Well, that's enough bullshit for today. Feel free to express your criticisms, suggestions, abuses and everything in general in the comments section below. And please press that god damn 'share' button if you enjoyed reading it. If you didn't, well, I'm sorry to disappoint you. Thank you again, for bearing with me!

Till then, Adios!
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Between Wits And Tits

Hello. What's up folks! So, finally Leonardo DiCaprio won an oscar and broke the internet. Well, got to admire him for his dedication and perseverance. The lad took more than a decade to rise after being drowned by Rose's love, in Titanic. Anyway, he deserved it!

  (Pic Credits:
(Pic Credits:
Moving on, you might be wondering, "Did I just read 'tits'"
Yes, you can judge me for the uncanny way in which I metaphorize my titles. But basically, the idea behind this is that it draws your attention and maybe some traffic as well!

Anyway, choosing between beauty and brains is like choosing between David and Goliath or Adam and Eve. You just can't guess who's got the upper hand here. We live in a prejudiced society where people usually judge your by your external appearance. As they say, "First impression is the last impression"
So, you better make it worthwhile! Unless you dress up as a clown, with a chainsaw in your hand and go homicidal to scare the shit out of them.

I guess it all began during the stone age era. When folks were roaming around naked on this planet, hunting wild boars, creating fire and shit. Ah... they must have had a lovely time! But then imagine the plight of all those ugly looking folks of that generation. I think all the ancient art that we see was painted by those ugly introverts of that era, to express their love and woo their crushes. While the good looking ones were busy getting laid. You might have often noticed how some awful looking folks have a genius of a mind! On the contrary, some very good looking folks often come across as dimwits or dumbfucks. Well, that's the irony of life. It's pretty rare that you find someone who possesses both these things, beauty along with brains. They're indeed gems! 

Believe me, external beauty is a great quality to posses. It's beguiling in its own way. It doesn't need to explain itself to anyone. And that's the most fascinating thing about it. You can easily tell if someone's beautiful or not, just by looking. You don't need to perform some complex integral calculus to prove whether someone looks charming or not. And admit it, attractive people often have it easy in their life. It's not like they don't have to struggle. But it's just that things usually come their way easily. They don't have to fight much to obtain something. But if you consider their grotesque looking counterparts, man, they have to slog their asses off to prove their grandeur.

It's natural human tendency to be attracted towards pleasant things. So, at this point you might feel that beauty has a upper hand here. Well, maybe it has. But then there comes this concept of 'inner beauty'
Whoever invented that shit was crafty enough to add the term 'beauty' as a suffix. I don't know what he must be thinking, but it sure does sound intriguing.

Now, 'inner beauty' is a very broad notion. It's like those Christopher Nolan's movies. If you understand it, you may find it whimsical. If not, you may find it utter nonsense. We generally use adjectives like 'intellectual', 'creative', 'talented', 'genius', ''kind', 'generous', 'humourous' etc. to justify someone's so called 'inner beauty'
We pale looking unattractive folks have to often show to this world that we too are beautiful in some way or the other. To get other people to like us. But the thing is, we've to show it. Show them a talent or a quality or something that can make up for our homely looks, unlike delightfully gorgeous folks. So, if you haven't got the looks, just grab those fucking books!

Women are the most beautiful and magnificent creatures on this planet. And will always be more beautiful than men, in general. They're so graceful and elegant in an exquisite way. While we're just taking pride in our beefed up muscles and that ball of fur called beard, growing on our face to hide its unlovely attributes. Come on, don't label me a feminist now. Anyway, it's just an opinion. There's a reason we call them the 'fairer sex' Now that's a whole new ideology and it's off topic. Maybe I'll discuss it some other day.
Okay. Too much of women empowerment shit. This is what happens when you listen to a Rahul Gandhi speech. It's like whenever the guy speaks, the collective IQ of our nation drops by nearly 50%.

Also, external beauty is frequently attacked for being deceptive. For many a times, there lies a hideous person in the grab of  gorgeous. One must not forget that external beauty usually fades away with time, unlike intelligence. But then one's never sure about one's life. It's uncertainty is awfully amusing!  Who knows, when you might be on your way to Belize!

So, does that mean beauty always wins? Perhaps. The point here is that intelligence itself is a form of beauty. An abstract one. So, beauty and intelligence are nothing but the two sides of the same coin. And maybe god just flips this coin when we are thrown into this world. So, if you're either pretty and good looking or witty and intelligent, consider yourself lucky. You've got to worry when you don't possess either of these qualities. In that case, you're truly fucked. Yeah, I belong to that unfortunate category. I realized this when I was a small kid and I saw myself in the mirror for the first time and thought "Okay. You're fucked!"

Now, if you ask me to choose between wits and tits. I'd definitely prefer wits. But then that differs from person to person. For perception and situation my friend, is the matter. Who knows, when the time comes, I might even end up choosing the latter!  

As Oscar Wilde had quoted in the classic, 'The Picture Of  Dorian Gray'  

"Real beauty ends where an intellectual expression begins."

It's said that beauty lies in the eye of beholder. So, it's all about being beautiful to someone, in some way or the other. For instance, some may find grizzly bears cute and cuddly whereas others may find them vicious and beastly.
Some may prefer wits over tits and some the other way round.
Well, as of me, I'm dead sure that I'll end up dying alone! Okay, I'll end this here. Too much bullshit to digest, in one go!

Anyway, this month's catalog!

The Revenant. (The movie that ended Leo's oscar drought!)

Do I Wanna Know? - Arctic Monkeys. (This song is stuck in my ears since weeks! Alex's vocals combined with that eccentric Sheffield accent! This is their best work! Do listen to it if you haven't!)

The Picture Of Dorian Gray - Oscar Wilde. (This is one of those classic masterpieces which you cannot afford to miss! The unconventional philosophy and Oscar Wilde's genius for epigrams! It's one of the best books ever written in the history of literature!)

I've modified the look of this website, how's it?
This one hasn't been proofread, as I've now started developing a sense of confidence on my amateur grammar skills.
Anyway, feel free to express your criticisms, suggestions, abuses and everything in general in the comments section below. Do let me know whether you enjoyed reading this one and share it with your friends if you did. Thank you for reading this piece of shit.

Till then, Adios!
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Something In The Way!

"I don't have the passion anymore. So remember, it's better to burn out that to fade away."
There's a very fine line between genius and madness. And Kurt Cobain was that line.
Anyway, I've been listening to 'Nirvana - MTV Unplugged in New York (1993)', since the past 3 hours or so. 
So, let me take you along with me, through the utopia of this legendary rock front man's unfortunately short but spectacular life!

No one would've thought that this 20 something guy from Aberdeen would go on to take the world of rock music, by a storm! He was basically the John Lennon of 90's. Termed as the spokesman of a generation! His disturbed childhood and the resulting anger within, was exquisitely expressed through Nirvana's beautiful grungy music and Kurt's clean raspy vocals. His unconventional yet witty ideologies had the power to rattle your perception, right to the core! The guy who taught us that it's totally okay to be yourself, in a world full of phonies and hypocrites. I'll leave you here with some of his brilliant, thought provoking epigrams.

1). "Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are."

2). "I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not."

3). "A friend is nothing but a known enemy."

4). "Rather be dead than cool."

5). "The worst crime is faking it."

6). "It's okay to eat fish, they don't have any feelings."

7). "The sun is gone, but I've a light."

8). "We've no right to, express an opinion until we know all of the answers." 

9). "Nobody dies a virgin. Life fucks us all." 

10). "Everyone wants to be hip. Everyone wants to be accepted."

Okay. I'll also leave you with his best musical creations! Here's my list of some great musical masterpieces, by this talented artist!

1). Smells Like Teen Spirit.

The most iconic rock anthem!

2). Heart Shaped Box. 

 Its weird lyrics combined with the captivating voice of Kurt! Pretty unusual and creative!

3). You Know You're Right. 


Its grungy chorus and soft verses, typical Nirvana! This song explains everything Kurt was going through during his last days. His last song.

4). All Apologies.


A rather mellow song that makes you feel happy and melancholy, at the same time. Such is the beauty of their music!

5). The Man Who Sold The World.

For me, this the best song ever written! David Bowie's lyrical genius and Kurt Cobain covering it with his mellifluous voice. Some songs are so beautiful that even words fail miserably when you try to describe them. This is one such song.

I've missed on many gems here. Like, Come As You Are, Rape Me, About A Girl, Breed, Lithium, Polly...
The list is endless! Just dig into his classic albums, 'Nevermind', 'In Utero', 'Incesticide' and 'MTV Unplugged in New York'. Every song is sheer epicness!

Okay. I'm in a totally nostalgic and elegiac mood at this point of time, so this article might come off as idolatry. Hence, I conclude this here. This one's a tribute for the philanthropist, whose picturesque  tragedy gifted this world the brilliance of Nirvana! He'll always be an inspiration for me. Every metaphor seems ordinary while describing the elegance of this iconic rockstar. Happy birthday Kurt Donald Cobain. You'll live on forever, in our hearts!

For Further watching:  The Rise And Rise Of Kurt Cobain.
 Montage Of Heck.
Soaked In Bleach. 
Till then, Adios.

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