How can I amuse you?

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Shit Indian Politicians Say!

Just the other day, I was watching Times Now and as usual Arnab was in super saiyyan mode, nailing some random politician for his absurd comment on rapes happening in India. Well. that's not surprising, Arnab does this feat almost everyday, but the surprising thing is, the shit some of these Indian politicians say.

P.S : This guy's statements are not posted here, as it's mentally hazardous for the readers.

Indian Politicians are well known worldwide, for their stupid comments on various things! Let's take a look at some of these classic statements!

"I thought it was juice."~ Murli Manohar Joshi.
(Ex- HRD Minister, after he drank ferrous sulphate solution in a school science fair and later ended up in a hospital!)

*facepalm* Now what can I say? He thought it was juice, so be it! :D

“Boys and girls should be married by the time they turn 16, so that they do not stray… this will decrease the incidents of rape” ~ Sube Singh.
(Khap Panchayat leader, on rapes)

Yeah. After failed attempts to invent time machines, this guy suggested an alternative to travel back in time. Back when child marriages were considered 'cool'
And what's this thing about straying? What are we? Dogs?

“There is this person sitting on hunger strike for 55 days demanding water be released from the dam. But where are we going to get water from? Should we urinate? And when we are not getting water to drink even urine is not coming easily” ~Ajit Pawar.
(Ex Deputy CM of Maharashtra)

We Indians have a habit of urinating wherever there's a possibility. After this idiotic staement, Mr. Ajit Pawar urinated on his future political career.

"Those who are coming in the name of students in the rallies, sundori, sundori mahila (beautiful women), are highly dented and painted" ~ Abhijeet Mukherjee
 (Son of President Pranab Mukherjee, commenting on women (students) who participate in candle light marches to protest rapes.)

*Slow Claps* Dented and Painted? They're women, not cars Mr. Mukherjee. That was way too cheap for a statement coming from President's son.

"If there is electricity in every village, people will watch TV till late night and then fall asleep. They won’t get a chance to produce children. When there is no electricity, there is nothing else to do but produce babies"  ~ Gulam Nabi Azad.
(Ex Health Minister, on population control and electricity problem in villages.)

No comments. Mind fucked. -_-

"10 out of 7 youths in Punjab are hooked on to drugs" ~ Rahul Gandhi
(Congress Vice President) 

Someone please teach this guy basic mathematics or anything other than women empowerment.

"600 bucks per month are enough to feed a family of 5"  ~ Sheila Dikshit
(Ex CM of Delhi)

It doesn't mean you can speak shit, if there's 'shit' in your name. But this lady justified it. 600 per month, that means approximately 4 bucks per day, for each person in a family of 5. What will we eat? Even Maggi costs for 5 bucks.

There are many shit statements, which our politicians have made, but nothing. I repeat. Nothing beats this one. Vishwa Bandhu Gupta, an Ex IT(Income Tax here, also the guy is UPSC qualified!) commissioner, trying to explain what cloud computing concept is all about. All computer engineers would kill themselves after watching this video. I literally cried while laughing. Oxymoronic emotions! :'D

In case the video isn't playing on mobile devices, here's the link, please do watch this! This guy is epic. Just epic. : Vishwa Bandhu Gupta explains Cloud Computing!

That's it folks, I've not been able to publish many of the classics here and missed out many such foolish brainless statements, as I've time limitations. Feel free to express your thoughts on this article. And do check out The Imbecility Of Indian Daily Soaps , my previous satire, as I'd not publicised that article due to my short term social hibernation. And Thank You, for reading this! Till then, Adios! :)

{References and credits: Google and Youtube! :)}

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The Imbecility Of Indian Daily Soaps!

        Remember the times, when you used to sit in front of that old CRT Television set, back in your childhood, watching Cartoon Network! Pokemon, Swat Kats, Dexter's Laboratory, Scooby Dooby! Those good times! And suddenly your utopia is interrupted abruptly when Mom snatches the remote from you and tells you to go and study, while she can catch up with the latest crap happening on "Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi". Yeah. You might well remember that dumbass show which ran for nearly a decade, I guess.

         I've some odd memories about that show, like there was this one episode in it when the lead protagonist of the show, named Tulsi, shoots her own son. Everything, almost everything, from she pulling the trigger, to the bullet releasing itself from the gun, to the bullet penetrating the guy's chest. Everything was in monochrome and slow motion kind of shit. The most funny part was, even after the bullet had stuck him, the guy was hanging in air for like 2 episodes, with some melodramatic music running in the background. The cries of gravity crying itself to death, went unheard amidst all this absurdity. That was some crazy shit, back then and I still laugh hysterically, until I end up peeing in my pants due to laughter, whenever I remember about that obnoxious memory!
Whoa!! This is some serious bullshit! (Pic Credits :Youtube)

        But even after all these years, Indian daily soaps never fail to amuse me! They run for like ages. The character development is so amazing that it'd even put some top notch American TV shows to shame. They focus around love, life, child marriage, celebrations, honour killings, women empowerment, cool swag Bindinis, polygamists,  kitchen politics, birth, death, reincarnation, crime, mystery, l**da, lasoon etc.
Their creativity is so awesome that no matter how different the show feels initially, after like 100-200 episodes, ultimately, they all end up being an epic of a saas bahu saga!

         Even when they depict a love plot in their show, the chemistry between the characters! Damn! Its speechless! Yeah. Like literally. There was this scene from a random daily soap, a guy who spends nearly 50 episodes stalking the girl, just to make contact with her. And finally when the contact is made, the next 150-200 episodes are spent on how the families of the boy and the girl make contact with each other, until they end up being "Samdhis and Samdhans", followed by a big fat Indian wedding. All this runs for nearly a year or so. Seriously. Man, we're sending shit to Mars, getting images from space within few hours, and guys here spend an year just to interact with some people from the same planet. Ridiculous!

Aha! Those smiles, I just feel like killing myself . -_-

       Frankly speaking, Indian daily soaps never developed, just like Rahul Gandhi's political career. I still can't understand how people even watch such shit. The irony is most of the daily soaps revolve around some rich khandaans and their families, their house politics, businesses and other bullshit. But most of the people watching it live in 1BHK flats and try to relate to it. Quite oxymoronic.
The one good thing about these serials is, they teach you to be patient. Yaa, patience to tolerate such nonsense and not go and kill the makers of the show, right away.
Its high time the Indian Television saw a revolution or a major image makeover. A plastic surgery or something like Michael Jackson did to his face. They should now seriously consider moving over this unending Saas Bahu crap.
As engineers, on an average, out of the four years, we spend at least a year in watching awesome firangi TV shows. Jobless herd, never mind! What I'm trying to say is, we need atleast one good TV show. which is made in India. At least one! As, Modi's ideology speaks, make in India, biatches! :D

{Whats up folks! Well, some of you might not have recovered from the comatose state, after reading my previous blog article! Anyways, I'd like to thank you for the amazing response you gave to it! I don't usually write sentimental stuff, as its not my cup of tea, but it seems, it turned out pretty well! :D
So, back to my favourite genre! Humour! I don't actually remember when I'd written this article, maybe a year ago, I just stumbled upon this draft today. Refurbished it a bit. Do read it! Your comments and criticism would be warmly accepted! And yes, if you like it please do share it with your friends. Thank You! Till then, Adios! :) }
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