How can I amuse you?

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Life: Unpredictably Ironic!

Platform no. 9.
Crowded as hell. No space for an ant to move. A young girl in her teens. Fair skin and lovely hair. 

"Man! The trains are late today."
"Seriously, what is wrong with these people?!"
"Bitch! Stop moving! There's no place!"
"Oh good lord, stop pushing me! I'll fall off the platform."
"I swear, I'm never coming by train again."

An announcement that the trains shall be even more late and the growing crowd. Breathing peacefully becomes an issue.

Chaos all around. And, a text message.

"I love you, beautiful. You're the best thing that has happened to me! You complete me. Thank you for being with me. I don't know what I'll do without you! You bring meaning to my life."

Beauty had found solace amidst the mayhem. 

Well, life can't always be fair, right?


A bomb blast.

Beauty, solace and love were all short-lived.

  {This is a guest post written by Siddhi Pawar. She's an amazing writer and an ardent grammar nazi too!
 Visit her blog for more such beautiful articles!
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The Football Fanatics!

So its that time of the year again when football fans all over the globe are having probably the best time of their lives. Football, Booze, Pizza.... Its nearly a month long big bash party! Its also the time  when new football fans just come out of their cocoon to be a part of this huge carnival! Its difficult to classify these football maniacs, but I'll help you figure out the types of football fans, you might come across. So Lets Kick Off!

1.] The Genuine Football Fans.
No one can forget this beautiful mosaic by some genuine Dortmund fans!

This category includes people who're football fans just because they love the sport. They support a team only because they like their style of playing. They have a good sense of football tactics and gameplay. These are the people who enjoy and appreciate a good football game, and won't crib even if their team loses in that game! They don't like the sport just to seem cool or impress anyone.

How To Spot Them: Well, there aren't any devices invented yet to find these exotic and rare specie of football fans. So you'd have to discover them yourselves.

2.] The Attention Deprived Football Fans.
OMG! I love Manchester United! They'll win the World Cup
These are the people who have the minimalistic or generally no idea of football. They will be busy clicking selfies in a team's jersey without knowing a shit about it and will upload it as a profile picture on social media, just to be the part of this carnival. They'll support a certain team because majority is supporting them. This kind of specie is found in both sexes.

How To Spot Them: They are the ones who'd want Manchester United to win the Fifa World Cup!

3.] The Player Obsessed Freak.
I'm the biggest Ronaldo Fan!!

These are the guys who'll scream a player's name, on the top of their lungs, when he scores. You'd usually find them posting status updates or tweeting in following patterns

In case of Guys:
In case of Girls:
"OMG Ronaldo! He's so cute! He's my pom pom baby!!"
"Barcelona is the best team in the world because it has Lionel Messi in it! He's such a cutie!<3"

How To Spot Them: They'd be constantly glued to their favourite players, claiming to be their 'biggest fan'. Everytime. They're the ones who'd want Ronaldo, Messi or Neymar to win the World Cup!

4.] The Newbie.

These are the chaps who've discovered the beauty of the beautiful game recently. They're usually quite and are still struggling to stay awake at midnight just to watch a live football match. Their favourite team is generally the team his bestfriend supports, who introduced him to football initially.

How To Spot Them: They'll seem more interested in sleeping and checking out the final score next morning, rather than watching the full game. They're still in the developing stages.

5.] The 'We Don't Give A Fuck About Football.' Types.
We are not interested in Football!

These people are the one's who are least interested in this beautiful game. They genuinely don't care if its Fifa World Cup or any other crap. They either hate sports or are die hard cricket fans. They'd prefer watching repeat tealecast of  'Jai Ho, Amazing Virat, Swinging Shami and other such series of shows whose names are derived by the formula (some adjective + cricket player name).

How To Spot Them: Easy. They're never lurk near anything which is associated with football.

So that's it. I've only encountered of these categories of football fans. If I may have missed out on anything, feel free to comment on it, your criticisms and suggestions are always welcome :) Thank You for wasting your time reading this.
Till then, enjoy the beautiful game. Enjoy the World Cup. Go Argentina! (Still wondering which category of football fans do I belong to...)

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'Offendomania Fever' Grips India, High Alert Declared!

People getting tested for the deadly McBc virus.

India: The deadly Offendomania Fever(McBc Virus) , has gripped India recently with the toll of people infected rising upto a whooping 983647. A large number are people getting offended nowadays, reported our correspondents.

            In the wake of the rise in number of McBc cases, the authorities have stepped up surveillance and measures to combat the massive spread of the disease. 4513 out of the 78463 samples sent to Bakchod Centre Of Virus Research, were confirmed to be badly affected by McBc.

            Dr. Amar, the directorate of Bakchod Centre Of Virus Research told our reporters that McBc virus has much higher risk of causing severe anger, frustration and even violent behaviour in people that are infected with this virus. He said  "Its a serious matter of concern. This virus is spreading rapidly all over India. The affected people are somewhat responsible for it, as it is a contagious disease. Also there are some people who are helping to spread this virus, just for the sake of fun. Our researchers are still trying to find its cure"

            The Bakchod Centre Of Virus has issued the following guidelines and symptoms to watch out for, in the affected person:

  • Gets offended easily by almost every joke, troll, meme etc, which goes against his beliefs or ideologies. 
  •  Frequent outbursts of anger, upon getting offended
  • Person turns violent upon reaching the peak of getting offended and starts causing destruction of surrounding environment and life. (195 degree angro, when measured with the anger meter invented by Bakchod Centre Of Virus Research) [Click Here To Order The Newly Invented Anger Meter]
  • The last stage of the disease could even result in affected people triggering riots, causing destruction of public property, harming the peace & harmony of their surroundings and other nefarious activities.   
The following are the measures people should take to protect themselves from this deadly virus to affect them:
  • Unaffected people should think nearly about 99999 times before posting any joke, troll, meme or posting some sensitive stuff which could hurt anyone's sentiments, on the internet or anywhere.
  • Should stop justifying of right to freedom of speech.
  • Should NEVER offend anyone.
  • Should act like they are living in the Paleolithic Era and don't know what a joke, troll, meme or internet is.     
 "We have given directions to the Police Department to immediately start the treatment measures for the people in high risk category and to crack down the people spreading the virus just for fun." said Mr. Amar, while cases of violence in Pune and some parts of Maharashtra were reported by our correspondents.
[Above article is purely imaginary and does not bear any resemblance with reality. If so, it's purely co-incidental.
And I'd also like to thank you all for the amazing response you gave for my previous blog article! You are the best!*Drumroll**Digi Chiki Digi Chiki Dhisshh**Cries with happiness* :’). 

Thank You, for reading this piece of shit and wasting your precious time! Your comments and criticisms are always welcome. I've tried my best to add humour to it, instead of this article being on a serious note
Last but not the least! DON'T GET OFFENDED AFTER READING THIS! :)]

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