How can I amuse you?

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Arnab Goswami thrashes 'Babas' during the debate on the 'Anti-Superstition' bill on Newshour!

Arnab : "As the 'Anti-Superstition' bill is on the verge of getting accepted in the parliament, it seems that the dark days for 'Babas' have started!*Smiles*. Tonight on Newshour, THE NATION WANTS TO KNOW, 'What will these so called 'Babas' and 'Dhongi Sadhus' do after the bill is brought into action?'

Joining me tonight on Newshour are my panelists, Please welcome 'Baba Amjad Khan (Ajmer Wale)', Mr. Aasram, live from Jodhpur Central Jail. I wont' call him a Bapu now! Also joining me on the show are Mr. Nirmal Baba and Miss Radhe Ma. I welcome you all on The Newshour.

Arnab : (Raising his voice deliberately) So my first question goes to Baba Amjad Khan. Mr. Amjad, what would you do once the bill is passed in the parliament? I've seen your posters in local trains claiming to offer solutions on any problem in the world right from 'Shaadi, Pyaar, Naukri' to 'Santaan Prapti' & 'Dhan Prapti'! So give me a solution to my question.

Baba Amjad Khan : ( stops the uttering of unusual chants from his mouth) "Ye sarasar anyay hai!" "Hum iska kada virodh kartey hai" "I'll....

Arnab : (Interrupts him in between) See, thats the problem with you. You only know to criticize the policies of the government and do nothing worthy in general. "Virodh Karna" isn't a specific answer Mr. Khan. You should be more specific.

Baba Amjad Khan : "Wohi toh main kehna chahta tha, ki agar ye bill pass ho gaya toh 'grahon' ki dishaayein badal jaayengi, Aur..."

Arnab : ( Iterrupts again) Mr. Khan sorry to interrupt you whatever you're saying is absolutely absurd. We're not here to listen your pravachans. You're running away from my questions, I can sense that...

Baba Amjad Khan : But.. Arnab : (Escalates his tone of voice) Oh! There you go, you're not allowed ro used 'ifs' and 'buts' here. You're only allowed to answer my question.

Nirmal Baba : (raising his hand) Arnab, Arnab..please listen to me, Arnab... We're also present in this debate.

Arnab : OKAY. Nirmal Baba has to say something, but before that I'd like to ask him some straight questions. Tell me Mr. Nirmal, what would you do if this bill gets passed?

Nirmal Baba : "Arnab, I'd like to aks you a question my son! Kya aapne kabhi maun vrat dhaaran karke dekha hai? Aap ye....."

Arnab : (Interrpts Abruptly) Look Mr. Nirmal, let me get this straight. I'M NOT YOUR SON! And you're not allowed to ask questions to me. This is Newshour, not your 'Samagam' where you can keep asking those foolish & stupid questions. Answer my question first.

Radhe Maa : "Arnab, Arnab...may I say something.."
Arnab : One at a time Miss Radhe, one at a time..You'll get your chance. So answer me Mr. Nirmal.

Nirmal Baba : "Okay. I was thinking that.."

Arnab : (Interrupts again) 'Thinking'? What are you going tothink Mr. Nirmal? The fact here is crystal clear that you're afraid of this questions thats the reason you're all playing with words like 'thinking','but', 'ifs' etc. etc. Nevermind, the NATION IS WATCHING YOU GUYS...

Radhe Ma : "Arnab, Arnab..can you hear me Arnab..."

*Arnab ignores her purposely* Nirmal Baba : "But I was saying that.."

Arnab : Mr. Nirmal there are other panelists waiting for their turn,you may SHUT UP now. Lets me ask Miss Radhe Maa some questions..

*Radhe Maa removes the mic and leaves the show saying "This man is a scumbag! Iss show par aakar galti kar di maine!"*

Arnab : As you can see she probably did'nt have the answers to my straight questions and the guts to face the nation. She feared it may tarnish her image, but let me clarify, running away from questions won't help. You've to answer the nation! Be it now or later! *Laughs*

Arnab : Moving over to Mr. Asaram who's having a gala time there in Jodhpur Central Jail! So Mr. Asaram can you hear me?
Asaram : *Smiles sheepishly* "Yes Arnab I can hear you...How are you?.."

Arnab : ( Interrupts) If you're under the wrong impression that asking me about my health and well being will help you escape from my questions, then YOU'RE MISREBLY WRONG! Mr. Asaram let me get straight to the point, what do you feel about this 'Anti-Superstition' bill?

Asaram : "Its absolute should be torn and thrown in the dustbin...thats what I feel.."


Asaram : "But you only asked me my opinion.. And I was.."

Arnab : Stop throwing excuses and blaming others for your own fault. You admit you were wrong and apologize to this nation right away!

Asaram : Okay. I admit I was wrong and I'm sorry for what I said about the bill. *Thinking : Sigh! Ab toh jaan chooti!*

Arnab : So what? So what If you're sorry? You think you're doing a favour by apologizing??

Asaram : "I was just.."

Arnab : NO..... NO! Mr. Asaram ler me complete first. So what if you're sorry? It doesn't take away the stupid words you said about the bill...Let me clear the air here, you're guilty and the nation knows it. No need for any apology, they're never going to accept it anyway from a pervert like you!

*Meanwhile Baba Amjad Khan and Nirmal Baba quitely remove their respective microphones and leave the show terrified*

Asaram : "But I didn't mean .."


*disconnects him before he could say any word*

Arnab : *Flashes his typical 'Fuck You' smile* So let me come back to you both Mr. Nirmal and Mr. Amjad Khan (Ajmer Wale). You both have not yet answered my questions yet!

*correspondent enters in from the background*

Correspondent : Sir they've already left the show when you were thrashing Asaram.

Arnab : ( Laughs and then escalates into a serious tone) THIS PROVES IT ALL! These 'Babas' and 'Dhongi Sadhus' keep running away from my straight questions. But let me make it very clear to them that it wont help them escape free. The questions of the nation still remain unanswered. THE NATION STILL WANTS TO KNOW! Okay my dear viewers, I conclude the show here. THANK YOU FOR WATCHING NEWSHOUR!! I'll see you soon next time. GOOD NIGHT.

*Meanwhile Baba Amjad Khan ( Ajmer Wale) and Nirmal Baba are talking to other channel's news reporters*

Baba Amjad Khan : "He's insane!! I desperately need a 'Booti' now to reduce this stress or else I'll faint."

Nirmal Baba : " Ji unhone kabhi 'maun vrat' dhaaran nahi kiya hai! Yeh usi ka asar hai. Unko kabhi 'Karele ka juice' peekar maun vrat dhaaran karna chaiye, is tarah unpar 'krupa' bani rahegi!"

*In parallel universe Radhe Maa is going all ROFL watching this drama,delighted that she left the show early!*

(The above article doesn't bear any resemblance with real life incidences and is completely imaginary. Any such newshour episode didn't take place in reality. Thank you for reading it! Your comments would be appreciated.)

Kudos until next time my friends! smile
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Engineering Student Attains 'Enlightnment' in Mathematics After Studying Rigorously For 9 Hours!

1st December, Mumbai : Even before F.E students could write their first engineering exam on Tuesday, an intersting case of 'Attaining Enlightnment' has been reported in Mumbai. It seems the genius who has achieved such feat is none other than Pappu Singh aka 'Pappya' who is studying in first year of Mechanical Engineering in 'Shri Thullunath College Of Engineering'.

"It all started when he reached home on Sunday afternoon after attending his last lecture of Maths, which was basically a revision lecture in his classes. He looked pale and grim and did'nt even have his lunch properly. Just after his lunch he sat for his studies, but rather he unusually kept studying for 9 hours complete....and *starts crying* he's never the same now, he keeps on mumbling mathematical terms even in sleep" said his mother.

On the other hands his friends 'Jhingya and Pakya' ( name changed on request) were way too delighted by this! "He was always poor at maths, but don't know what happend to him that day! On our way back home from classes, he was reading Kumbhojkar in the bus, which is just like Lalu Yadav reading Shakespeare's works! That was the moment we noticed, something is definately wrong with him" said Jhingya.
"He always said, 'Maths chutiya subject hai', but this is strange, he can now solve any fucking sum in the world" exagerrated Pakya.

Meanwhile, college professors who teach Pappu have reacted in a different way calling this 'enlightnment' thing a complete nonsense!
"He's a retard. He can't even answer what is 56965+323165. All he knows is to smoke pot and then puff out in class during lectures" said Prof. Matriceswala, who teaches Maths along with EVS, in the same college.

Our reporters tried our best to make a contact with 'wonder boy' Pappu, and succeeded after much efforts.
"Everything in this world is Maths. Yeh saara sansaar Ganit ke khel ki moh maaya mein khoya hai. Aao mere saath is, moh maaya mein kho jao" addressed Pappu.

Among all this ruckus, Techmax Publications have approached court against Kumbhojkar for writing books that alter mental balance of students. Our student correspondent happened to contact the editor in chief of Techmax on this matter.
"This is too dangerous. If students start losing their mental balance after reading such books, the future generations of engineers will be mentally retarted by the time they receive their degrees"

Meanwhile, the classes that Pappu used to attend have started 'Crash 9 Hour Courses' for the upcoming exam on Tuesday, which will be specially conducted by Sir Pappu himself!

(Above article does not have any relation with real life incidents and are purely imaginary as the imaginry part 'iY' in 'Complex Numbers'. Thank you for wasting your precious time reading this crap, rather than studying for your exams! biggrin )

Adios till next time buddies! And Best Of Luck for everyone who's having their exams! smile
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