How can I amuse you?

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Arnab Goswami thrashes 'Babas' during the debate on the 'Anti-Superstition' bill on Newshour!

Arnab : "As the 'Anti-Superstition' bill is on the verge of getting accepted in the parliament, it seems that the dark days for 'Babas' have started!*Smiles*. Tonight on Newshour, THE NATION WANTS TO KNOW, 'What will these so called 'Babas' and 'Dhongi Sadhus' do after the bill is brought into action?'

Joining me tonight on Newshour are my panelists, Please welcome 'Baba Amjad Khan (Ajmer Wale)', Mr. Aasram, live from Jodhpur Central Jail. I wont' call him a Bapu now! Also joining me on the show are Mr. Nirmal Baba and Miss Radhe Ma. I welcome you all on The Newshour.

Arnab : (Raising his voice deliberately) So my first question goes to Baba Amjad Khan. Mr. Amjad, what would you do once the bill is passed in the parliament? I've seen your posters in local trains claiming to offer solutions on any problem in the world right from 'Shaadi, Pyaar, Naukri' to 'Santaan Prapti' & 'Dhan Prapti'! So give me a solution to my question.

Baba Amjad Khan : ( stops the uttering of unusual chants from his mouth) "Ye sarasar anyay hai!" "Hum iska kada virodh kartey hai" "I'll....

Arnab : (Interrupts him in between) See, thats the problem with you. You only know to criticize the policies of the government and do nothing worthy in general. "Virodh Karna" isn't a specific answer Mr. Khan. You should be more specific.

Baba Amjad Khan : "Wohi toh main kehna chahta tha, ki agar ye bill pass ho gaya toh 'grahon' ki dishaayein badal jaayengi, Aur..."

Arnab : ( Iterrupts again) Mr. Khan sorry to interrupt you whatever you're saying is absolutely absurd. We're not here to listen your pravachans. You're running away from my questions, I can sense that...

Baba Amjad Khan : But.. Arnab : (Escalates his tone of voice) Oh! There you go, you're not allowed ro used 'ifs' and 'buts' here. You're only allowed to answer my question.

Nirmal Baba : (raising his hand) Arnab, Arnab..please listen to me, Arnab... We're also present in this debate.

Arnab : OKAY. Nirmal Baba has to say something, but before that I'd like to ask him some straight questions. Tell me Mr. Nirmal, what would you do if this bill gets passed?

Nirmal Baba : "Arnab, I'd like to aks you a question my son! Kya aapne kabhi maun vrat dhaaran karke dekha hai? Aap ye....."

Arnab : (Interrpts Abruptly) Look Mr. Nirmal, let me get this straight. I'M NOT YOUR SON! And you're not allowed to ask questions to me. This is Newshour, not your 'Samagam' where you can keep asking those foolish & stupid questions. Answer my question first.

Radhe Maa : "Arnab, Arnab...may I say something.."
Arnab : One at a time Miss Radhe, one at a time..You'll get your chance. So answer me Mr. Nirmal.

Nirmal Baba : "Okay. I was thinking that.."

Arnab : (Interrupts again) 'Thinking'? What are you going tothink Mr. Nirmal? The fact here is crystal clear that you're afraid of this questions thats the reason you're all playing with words like 'thinking','but', 'ifs' etc. etc. Nevermind, the NATION IS WATCHING YOU GUYS...

Radhe Ma : "Arnab, Arnab..can you hear me Arnab..."

*Arnab ignores her purposely* Nirmal Baba : "But I was saying that.."

Arnab : Mr. Nirmal there are other panelists waiting for their turn,you may SHUT UP now. Lets me ask Miss Radhe Maa some questions..

*Radhe Maa removes the mic and leaves the show saying "This man is a scumbag! Iss show par aakar galti kar di maine!"*

Arnab : As you can see she probably did'nt have the answers to my straight questions and the guts to face the nation. She feared it may tarnish her image, but let me clarify, running away from questions won't help. You've to answer the nation! Be it now or later! *Laughs*

Arnab : Moving over to Mr. Asaram who's having a gala time there in Jodhpur Central Jail! So Mr. Asaram can you hear me?
Asaram : *Smiles sheepishly* "Yes Arnab I can hear you...How are you?.."

Arnab : ( Interrupts) If you're under the wrong impression that asking me about my health and well being will help you escape from my questions, then YOU'RE MISREBLY WRONG! Mr. Asaram let me get straight to the point, what do you feel about this 'Anti-Superstition' bill?

Asaram : "Its absolute should be torn and thrown in the dustbin...thats what I feel.."


Asaram : "But you only asked me my opinion.. And I was.."

Arnab : Stop throwing excuses and blaming others for your own fault. You admit you were wrong and apologize to this nation right away!

Asaram : Okay. I admit I was wrong and I'm sorry for what I said about the bill. *Thinking : Sigh! Ab toh jaan chooti!*

Arnab : So what? So what If you're sorry? You think you're doing a favour by apologizing??

Asaram : "I was just.."

Arnab : NO..... NO! Mr. Asaram ler me complete first. So what if you're sorry? It doesn't take away the stupid words you said about the bill...Let me clear the air here, you're guilty and the nation knows it. No need for any apology, they're never going to accept it anyway from a pervert like you!

*Meanwhile Baba Amjad Khan and Nirmal Baba quitely remove their respective microphones and leave the show terrified*

Asaram : "But I didn't mean .."


*disconnects him before he could say any word*

Arnab : *Flashes his typical 'Fuck You' smile* So let me come back to you both Mr. Nirmal and Mr. Amjad Khan (Ajmer Wale). You both have not yet answered my questions yet!

*correspondent enters in from the background*

Correspondent : Sir they've already left the show when you were thrashing Asaram.

Arnab : ( Laughs and then escalates into a serious tone) THIS PROVES IT ALL! These 'Babas' and 'Dhongi Sadhus' keep running away from my straight questions. But let me make it very clear to them that it wont help them escape free. The questions of the nation still remain unanswered. THE NATION STILL WANTS TO KNOW! Okay my dear viewers, I conclude the show here. THANK YOU FOR WATCHING NEWSHOUR!! I'll see you soon next time. GOOD NIGHT.

*Meanwhile Baba Amjad Khan ( Ajmer Wale) and Nirmal Baba are talking to other channel's news reporters*

Baba Amjad Khan : "He's insane!! I desperately need a 'Booti' now to reduce this stress or else I'll faint."

Nirmal Baba : " Ji unhone kabhi 'maun vrat' dhaaran nahi kiya hai! Yeh usi ka asar hai. Unko kabhi 'Karele ka juice' peekar maun vrat dhaaran karna chaiye, is tarah unpar 'krupa' bani rahegi!"

*In parallel universe Radhe Maa is going all ROFL watching this drama,delighted that she left the show early!*

(The above article doesn't bear any resemblance with real life incidences and is completely imaginary. Any such newshour episode didn't take place in reality. Thank you for reading it! Your comments would be appreciated.)

Kudos until next time my friends! smile
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Engineering Student Attains 'Enlightnment' in Mathematics After Studying Rigorously For 9 Hours!

1st December, Mumbai : Even before F.E students could write their first engineering exam on Tuesday, an intersting case of 'Attaining Enlightnment' has been reported in Mumbai. It seems the genius who has achieved such feat is none other than Pappu Singh aka 'Pappya' who is studying in first year of Mechanical Engineering in 'Shri Thullunath College Of Engineering'.

"It all started when he reached home on Sunday afternoon after attending his last lecture of Maths, which was basically a revision lecture in his classes. He looked pale and grim and did'nt even have his lunch properly. Just after his lunch he sat for his studies, but rather he unusually kept studying for 9 hours complete....and *starts crying* he's never the same now, he keeps on mumbling mathematical terms even in sleep" said his mother.

On the other hands his friends 'Jhingya and Pakya' ( name changed on request) were way too delighted by this! "He was always poor at maths, but don't know what happend to him that day! On our way back home from classes, he was reading Kumbhojkar in the bus, which is just like Lalu Yadav reading Shakespeare's works! That was the moment we noticed, something is definately wrong with him" said Jhingya.
"He always said, 'Maths chutiya subject hai', but this is strange, he can now solve any fucking sum in the world" exagerrated Pakya.

Meanwhile, college professors who teach Pappu have reacted in a different way calling this 'enlightnment' thing a complete nonsense!
"He's a retard. He can't even answer what is 56965+323165. All he knows is to smoke pot and then puff out in class during lectures" said Prof. Matriceswala, who teaches Maths along with EVS, in the same college.

Our reporters tried our best to make a contact with 'wonder boy' Pappu, and succeeded after much efforts.
"Everything in this world is Maths. Yeh saara sansaar Ganit ke khel ki moh maaya mein khoya hai. Aao mere saath is, moh maaya mein kho jao" addressed Pappu.

Among all this ruckus, Techmax Publications have approached court against Kumbhojkar for writing books that alter mental balance of students. Our student correspondent happened to contact the editor in chief of Techmax on this matter.
"This is too dangerous. If students start losing their mental balance after reading such books, the future generations of engineers will be mentally retarted by the time they receive their degrees"

Meanwhile, the classes that Pappu used to attend have started 'Crash 9 Hour Courses' for the upcoming exam on Tuesday, which will be specially conducted by Sir Pappu himself!

(Above article does not have any relation with real life incidents and are purely imaginary as the imaginry part 'iY' in 'Complex Numbers'. Thank you for wasting your precious time reading this crap, rather than studying for your exams! biggrin )

Adios till next time buddies! And Best Of Luck for everyone who's having their exams! smile
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The Life Cycle Of An Indian Teen!

Hola Everyone! It seems like ages have passed since I've written something nonsensical crap. Err....does that word exist? Anyways, you might be thinking what made me write stuff on this alienated topic. The thing is I just want to vomit out all things stuck in my head since last 20-25 days. And there's no better media than a blog to express it. Okay. Enough of intro.

"Life is really simple,but we insist on making it complicated".~ Conficius

We all know childhood is the best part in our life, no worries about anything. We're free as a butterfly. We don't give a damn about anything! Or maybe only when we have a fight with our younger sibling on silly subjects like "Its my toy,how dare you touch it without my permission?" Or getting a window seat in your school bus meant the ultimate joy! We tend to find joys in every smal thing in our life. Its similar to heaven in our life! Hence, Childhood=Heaven.

"Lyf Sux, I don't giv a Fuck!" whenever you come across such statuses on social media, fear not. It just signified that the person's teenage years have started! Ohh....Teenagers! Nostaligia of crazy and wierd things which I've done myself as a teenger flash across my mind. biggrin. It all begins in teens. The complicated and uninterrupted seven years of your life! Where you're at the worst of your behaviour. You're rude,you slam doors. You're moody. You tend to hate everybody except your friends. Friends become your evrything in these phase of your life. Its also marks the beginning of your magnetic nature of growth. Or you may also call it 'electronic' nature of growth, where opposites attract just like electrons and photons. Maybe I went too scientific...biologically it often means pubertal growth. Might not be sure as I'd falied in Bio in ninth grade.Abandoned bio after that incident. Chuck it, anyways. During these teenage years your Parents semm to be your worst enemy. You're often thinking or you like to pretend, your not related to them in any sense. You drove without a licence.You sneak out. Risky seems the new Sexy. You get involoved in relationships.(I've not been that lucky in this case). Girlfriends and Boyfriends , Love and Break-Ups, and evrything in between.

This phase is also considered as the best period to cultivate your hobbies and intrests.They'll stay throughout your life and help you grow as an individual.

I wanted to write further but I myself have not been through my teenage years, as I'm still 18! So till then I have no experience about adult life!

I'd like. to end up by qouting Emma Roberts.

"I think as you get older, you tend to think of teenagers as really young."

I should take your leave now. Pardon me for ruining your holiday, if this article happened to bore you to hell!
Sorry for my poor english and typing mistakes, as writing from my Nokia suckks badly. (wrote that extra 'k' in sucks, intentionally. :p)

Good Bye till. next time! smile
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Every College Has Such 'Professors'!

Hardly a week has passed after the start of my 'Engineering College' and I've already started expressing my heart about it! No doubt, it awesome in its own ways and I'm loving it a lot! But there are always two sides of a coin? No? Okay to be frank its a tough thing to sit all the lectures in college just for the sake of 'Attendence'. Now don't dodge me by saying you visit college to get 'Education', because thats a complete paradox in India's education system. ( Ho na ho, sab kuch ghum phir k system pe hi aata hai). Anywayz, I'm here to share my experiences about my 'Professors' in the college. I know I've other important things to write, like that damn 'Applied Physics' assignment, but I'm not that 'Sincere' enough to complete it before the deadline! ( I know, I'll have to pay for this nonsense later during submission) biggrin
Okay. Here are the 'typical categories' of 'Professors' you'd most probably find in your college/school or anywhere! I guess. Maybe?

These type of profs are the first type I experienced in my college. The best thing about them is, they Teach Themselves! Yaa. I'm not kidding, they seriously do! They enter the class, pass the attendence sheet, ask those 'first-bencher' nerds, about the previous lecture and then....They start just like a 'Bullet Train' or 'Jet Plane'. Once they start, they only stop after the bell rings to mark the end of his 'Journey'. Regarding students? He does'nt give a damn whether they genuinely understood anything or not!

These are the real 'Dimaag ko Shot' profs. Once tney enter the class, they want you to greet them, if not get ready for some 'Value-Education' class. They want you be attentive all the time. They keep cribbing 'Maintain Silence/Keep Quiet' type of statements. They make a 'Raai ka Pahaad' on amy minor issue. In short, you're fucked if you get someone from this type as your 'Prof'! biggrin

As the name suggests, these kinda profs have an allergy of dictating each and every word in this universe for theire students. They enter the class with a bunch of some papers and start dictating each and every word written on that papers(maybe more than that). In short, they think of students as human 'Xerox' machines!

Consider yourself lucky if you get any prof from this category! I don't feel the need to describe this category, as you might be familiar! In short, they are the "Chal yaar, movie chalte hai, XYZ ka lecture hai, wo kuch nhi karta, proxy maar lenge!" of students!

These types generally keep on building castles about the great achievements of 'studious students,college staff etc.' in the past! In short, they have not seen the 'Present' and will always offer you ' zabardasti' ride'Down The Memory Lane'!

I don't need to say anything about these category! wink In short, these profs are the reason why 'Attendence' percentage of guys is in a position of which they're not ashamed of! ( There is scarcity of these type of professors in my college) biggrin!

These profs have reached an age of spending their last few years of life, on a mini vacation to 'Uganda'..err. But instead they chose to teach us, ruining their enjoyment of a probable 'Happy Retirement' life!

There is no description about them in any book in this universe! All depends on their mood and nature! Piss them off once, they'lk remember you for lifetime, looking for every oppourtunity to screw you! Make them happy once(I often call it as 'Ass Licking'wink, they'll keep humming your tunes till you pass out of the college!

Thats it buddies! Imight have missed on few of the 'streotypes' you may let me know about them in 'Comments' section! Also, I hope none of my profs get to read this...I'll be in deep trouble then! biggrin

Also before leaving I'd like to say one thing 'Jaise bhi hai theek hai'. They are good human beings ultimately, and thats what matters the most. smile
Okay. Got to complete my damn chem assingment, or else I'd be at the recieving end of the worst!

I'd like to conclude by quoting two greats, Conficius and Bill Gates.

"If I am walking with two other
men, each of them will serve as
my teacher. I will pick out the
good points of the one and
imitate them, and the bad points
of the other and correct them in myself." ~ Confucius. smile
"If you think your teacher is
tough, wait until you get a boss.
He doesn't have tenure."~ Bill Gates. smile
Thank you for reading this! Pardon me for spelling errors as typing on my phone sucks!
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The Facebook and Twitter Trend!

'A tu facebook pe hai?'' ''Haan, ruk tujhe add karta hu'' Its not long that you've not heard such convos before, unless you're living in 'Neanderthal' era! Social media has entered in our lives just like a viral infection. People who are away from this are considered an outcast in today's generation. Facebook, Twitter, Whatsapp, Instagram etc...the list is endless. People are so hooked and dependent on these websites that even for one day if any one of this shuts down, a 'civil war' like situation is formed! But amidst all these socail media craze, what we're losing is our real life relationships. Oh wait. Before I start giving 'Grandpa' type 'gyaan' let me take a look at myself! I'm also the member of these 'Social Media Addicts' creed. But I'm denying that fact.

 Anyways, Facebook and twitter have taken over our lives in such a dominating manner that we've started creating our own 'parallel world' on these sites. All things happening in our real lives, have an impact on our 'social' life. "Broke up with her sad" or "Damn Happy, got a job in XYZ company" you must have come across such status updates or tweets! Of Course, you won't give a fuck about them if you hate the person whoz posted it! But deep inside it will have an effect on your self confidence. You might alos start getting negative vibes about them, just cause they have a great 'Rainbow World' life on Facebook or Twitter! "He has 6K followers, and I only have 2K, I won't follow him" such things also run through our mind! Whereas, it also has the other side of the coin. Social media has helped us abolish distance between relationships. Imagine the happiness when you randomly find your long lost school crush on facebook! wink. Also the corporate world has started using it as a 'Bramhastra' of marketing world! Okay. Before it starts getting monotonous, just like my school essays, i should take your leave now! smile.

 As it is my first post, and I've wrote it 'via my Nokia 5233' pardon me for any errors that may have crept in. Thanks for bearing my english! biggrin
*Logs in on facebook and twitter*
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IndiBlogger Awards 2017

The Indian Blogger Awards 2017